“Insist on yourself, never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only an extemporaneous half possession.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” – Muriel Rukeyser

Weltanschauung is a German word that describes one’s particular philosophy or view of life. Literally translated it means worldview. I have always felt that it best encapsulates my own search for meaning in my life within both a spiritual and secular context. This search has taken me down many paths, the occasional dead end, and down more than one rabbit hole. Yet, I am still a seeker and I suppose I always will be. One more page, one more experience, one more fork in the road, one more roll of the dice. Does the answer to the questions of life lie around the next bend? Why am I here? What is the meaning of my existence? What will I leave behind? That is why I seek…

“Writing is the Latin of our times. The modern language of the people is video and sound.” – Lawrence Lessig

“But great grand schemes will get you grief
Take what you need, that’s all.
A light craft takes the wind and skims the water lightly.”
– Yuan Mei from What I have Seen

“Life has no meaning a priori…it’s up to you to give it a meaning, and value is nothing but the meaning that you choose.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

I have never been too much into idols. I suppose if asked I would say my Parents and Grampa. No sports superstars, movie actors, and certainly no politicians. My idols have always been close to home.

My life is a long running film and there won’t be a sequel. At least not in this body.

               Me with my sons, Charlie and Sam.

Lebe dein Leben so, wie es vorgesehen war. Live your life as it was intended. 

You must concentrate upon and consecrate yourself wholly to each day, as though a fire were raging in your hair.” – Taisen Deshimaru

A talisman is an object believed to hold magical or spiritual powers, intended to bring good luck, protection from evil, or positive influence to its owner, often by being inscribed with symbols, prayers, or astrological signs. While similar to an amulet (which passively protects), a talisman is often considered an active tool designed to attract specific outcomes, like wealth or health, by harnessing natural or divine forces, differing in its specific purpose.

I wear three talismans around my neck every day, bound together by a simple cloth cord. One is a billion year old piece of basalt I found on a kayaking trip in Lake Superior over 20 years ago. The other two are simple copper coins inscribed with the Latin words, “Memento Mori” – remember you must die and amor fati which means to love one’s fate. All remind me of what will be my insignificance in the whole scheme of things while each reminds me that  today could be my last. They prod me to try to make a difference every day. However, sometimes I fall woefully short.

Kindness and love are the protein of the soul, the building blocks of goodness. Random acts of kindness, doing the right thing, smiling at a stranger, or giving a friendly wave to your neighbor are among the foods that nourish the soul. They may at first blush seem simple but they are equally as powerful as if you gave thousands of dollars away. Money burns up but kindness and love live on. So nourish your soul with the good food.

Some look in the mirror and see themselves as a human being with all the warts and blemishes. Others look in the mirror and see a god. One is a mirror that reflects humility and truth while the other reflects vanity and egoism. One day there will be no reflection in the mirror, just a memory of what used to be. The memory you leave behind is yours to make.

What a glorious world we live in! Every day is a gift, an opportunity to discover the undiscovered, to listen to the unheard, to give to the ungiving, to touch the untouched, to share of the fruits we have been given.  What will I do with the fruits of my life…will I share their sweetness or will they spoil in the bowl? 

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” -Seneca

               With my Grandaughter Eloise

Henry David Thoreau – “In wildness is the preservation of the world.”

“Think as I think,” said a man”

or you are abominably wicked,

You are a toad.”

And after I thought of it,

I said: “I will then, be a toad.”

– Stephen Crane

“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” – Mark Twain 

“Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson 

The Angry Wren by Me. I  have a wish to open a bar and bookstore called The Angry Wren…

You scold me 

from the branches of my cedar trees

Stranger danger

I’m too close

For your comfort

My trees are your trees

And I become the stranger then

These then I realize

That I am a visitor

In nature

And a brief one at that.

“Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain 

“I have stood on top of a windswept hill, waved my hat at the breeze, shouted to the skies that I was alive.” – Sigurd Olson 

“Conscience is a dog that does not stop us from passing but that we cannot prevent from barking.” – Nicolas de Chamfort

Did the fruit fly that just crashed  in my glass of Chardonnay and drowned know what it was doing? 

Mom kept all of Dad’s cards—birthdays, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s, and, I might add, ’get out of the doghouse” cards—the latter were usually accompanied with flowers. They gushed with his undying love. He kept Mom’s cards as well. They were normally signed, “Love, Phyllis” with a “xo”. A rather ebullient expression from Mom was signed “xoxo”—German and Irish, quite the opposites. One got depressed and the other said: “Buck up!” One toed the emotional line while the other stumbled off the track. One taught me to express myself while the other taught me to be guarded. One drank and the other didn’t. I drink and offer no apologies—Irish blood, thank you. When I’m cremated, the fire will burn for at least three days, minimum. I think Dad’s funeral pyre is still smoldering. Even though their earthly flame has since gone out, their love for each other still smolders in my heart where its warm glow lights the darkest of my nights.

“God intended for you to be happy.” – Mom

For me, poetry is a contemplative endeavor; best read undisturbed in a quiet nook. I know there are poetry readings but I have never been to one. Yet, this is going to sound a little hypocritical but I love hearing Robert Frost’s recital of Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. You can find it on YouTube.

The complaint I hear most often is I don’t get what the poet is writing about. Paul Celan wrote, “Poetry is a sort of homecoming.” When I read poetry, it feels like I am getting a glimpse into the poet’s abode. It is something personal that I have been given permission to see. I am no poet but when I do write, I think it comes from the wellspring of my being. Writing is music and each word is unique. 

I find I am more in tune with the poet on a dark and dreary day. Perhaps the wind is playing a song in the trees and rain has joined in the chorus.

Reading poetry is not like diving into a math problem. There is no final solution, no answer to the equation. I often tell people that you can read a verse and then put it down. Come back later, it will still be there. There is no expectation that you read Whitman’s Leaves of Grass or Ginsberg’s Howl from start to finish in one sitting. Perhaps after reading a few verses you will be compelled into contemplation.

So ease up on the throttle and apply the breaks to the speed of life. There is more to it than careening down the road hell bent on reaching your next destination faster than the next person. Stop your race car, get out, plant your feet firmly on the earth, breathe deep, smell the fresh air, taste the wind, hold a leaf in the palm of your hand, listen to the birds sing, and watch the clouds float by. Let all the others in a rush pass on by. Your destination (and the poem) will still be there tomorrow.

The same verse you read today will likely have a different meaning tomorrow. These words from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus have always resonated with me whether I am reading a poem by Seamus Heaney, WB Yeats, or Shelley“. No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man” 

These words from William Blake are equally as prescient, “If the doors of perception were cleansed then everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things through narrow chinks of his cavern.” 

How you perceive a poem is a personal matter. So pick a poet and read…and don’t be afraid. At first you might not understand but then perhaps your doors of perception might be cleansed.

This by no means an exhaustive list, but I return to these poets quite often:

Mary Oliver

W.B. Yeats

Robert Frost

Seamus Heaney

Walt Whitman

Edgar Allen Poe

Gary Snyder

William Blake

John Keats

Percy Bysshe Shelley

Interpretations of Poets from the Chinese Tang Dynasty by Red Pine

Emily Dickinson

Rumi

And more

“Enjoy every Sandwich” Warren Zevon. 

Me and my daughters at Christmas. Katie is on the right and Sarah is on the left; I was enjoying my sandwich.

“I’ve always thought of friendship as where two people really tear one another apart and perhaps in that way learn something from one another.” – Francis Bacon

Paul Celan wrote, Poetry is a sort of homecoming.” When I read poetry, it feels like I am getting a glimpse into the poet’s abode. It is something personal that I have been given permission to see. I am no poet but when I do write I think it comes from the wellspring and whispering of my heart. Each word is music and each line is unique.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain

My parents taught me the values that I have carried with me through my entire life among many life lessons: Be generous in praise, refrain from criticizing, and be eager to encourage. We all struggle with our own demons; don’t pull the rug out from under your neighbor’s feet. Smile, people are just as important and we will have to make an atonement when it’s all said and done. Today we can embrace all human beings. Let kindness prevail.

You say you are holy,

Because I have not seen you sin.

Aye, but there are those

Who have seen you sin, my friend.”

-Stephen Crane

Nothing seems to be anyone’s fault anymore. Blame gets tossed around like confetti at a ticker tape parade. I did not realize that responsibility had suddenly become a four-letter word.

Walking through the woods in any season is like walking through the door of the most ornate cathedral. I get a lot more from being among the wood fibers than all the hammered stone in the world. You can have the Taj Mahal, I’ll take a grove of white pine anytime.

,,🤩

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about death. It is my constant companion. You cannot escape it. When you’re full of yourself, it will just creep up and bite you in the ass.

“If A is success in life, then A=X+Y+Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut.” – Albert Einstein 

I have now discovered another annoying sound; the back-up alarms on heavy equipment. They are clearing some land across the street from where I live. The incessant beeping drives me nuts.

“You just have to scrape the shit right off your shoes.” From Sweet Virginia by The Rolling Stones 

My Granddaughter, Eloise. Another sandwich I enjoy! Grampa and Dad are such honorific titles. But they must be earned. They are not handed out like diplomas.

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.”  – Henry David Thoreau 

If I were to ever be exiled, I would want it to be to a simple cabin on a lake deep in a pine forest in the north woods. To reach the cabin, I would have to hike down a narrow path for at least a mile, maybe more. The cabin, just a stone’s throw from a lake, would have one room with a stone fireplace and a root cellar underneath the floor. My furniture would be simple- a small bed, a table for meals, and two chairs, one for me and the other for the occasional visitor. A dry sink and small counter would provide ample space to prepare simple meals. A well with a hand pump would provide ample water.  My bookshelf would contain works by Thoreau, Emerson, Leopold, Olson, various field guides, and other classics. Light to read by in the dark hours at the end of the day would come from a kerosene lamp and the evening fire. 

Outside, a small front porch with a homemade bench would provide a nice resting place from which to watch the rain fall and the sun set. Tied up at the lake, my canoe would  be ready at a moment’s notice to set sail in search of a spot to land a walleye or northern pike for dinner. A garden would provide a variety of vegetables to help sustain me through the winter. The woodshed would be stacked full of enough dry wood for the cold days ahead. Oh, and don’t forget the privy.

I would love being there, late on a winter evening, kindling a fresh fire in the hearth, and feeling the warmth begin to fill the cabin. A pot would hang over the fire to warm a little stew and another pot for my tea. The sound of the wind howling in the pines and the cry of a wolf would punctuate the silence. Pulling a wool blanket around my shoulders I would recline in front of the fire. Soon sleep would overtake me and I would doze off into the winter night, in no hurry for the morning.

I have learned that one’s true self is not easy to attain. To find oneself you must cast aside greed, covetousness, material desire, jealousy, anger, and malice. We must then believe on our own and follow our own path. All we think and do must come from our own heart and soul and not from another. This takes strength of character, commitment to principle, and faith in ourselves. To fail in this endeavor is to give ourselves up to the winds of society and our self is cast adrift in the sea. 

Perhaps this is just an academic exercise but the more I build this cabin in my mind the more exile doesn’t sound too bad. Until then, I’m off to the woods. I have some business to conduct with solitude.

“And after he had dismissed the crowds, He (Jesus) went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone…” – Matthew 14:23

“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.” – Mark Twain

“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb nail.” – Henry David Thoreau 

What does it mean to live a simple life? Is that even possible these days? Some call it living off the grid. Then you are labeled a recluse, a hermit, or just plain crazy. I often think if I were king, it would be of a deserted island and the only subject I would govern would be me.

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” – Oscar Wilde

With the explosion of electronic gadgets and social media in my lifetime, I often think of the simple life my grandfather lived. He was a simple man in his wants and needs but not in his character. In many ways, he lived Thoreau’s advice to, “Simplify. Simplify”. He was born when the horse and buggy was the primary mode of transportation and lived long enough to see man land on the moon. But he never had a computer, cell phone, smart watch, or even an electronic calculator. His “technology” was a Zenith colored television, Arvin transistor radio, and rotary dial telephone. He didn’t have a refrigerator, it was an ice box. He drove the same 1971 Chevy Impala until he died. He grew tomatoes in his backyard with soil sweetened by the cow manure from my uncle’s farm. 

His Social media was an evening of bid euchre with his friends and a visit with his farmer friends on day trips in the country. He had no need or desire to share the details of his life with his “friends”. He simplified his life by simply living simply. He just didn’t see the need to make his life complicated. It can be hard to live such a life in this age of technology but when I want to try to come close, I step outside untethered and take a walk in the woods?

“Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.” – John Muir

Some questions to ponder…

When you leave the house and discover you don’t have your smartphone do you panic?

Do you have nightmares about losing your smartphone?

When your electronic gadgets don’t function just like you expect them to, do you become angry?

Do spam texts and emails tick you off?

Have you ever listened to music on a transistor radio?

Does it annoy you when you are at the store or otherwise out in public and people are having private conversations on their phones, out loud?

Can you imagine a time when there were no smartphones and there were only four channels on the television?

Have you ever used a rotary dial phone?

Have you ever been in a phone booth, and used the phone?

When was the last time you went on a hike in the woods?

If you intentionally left your smartphone at home, would life come to an end?

_________________________

“People who know contentment can live in the dirt and still be happy, while people who don’t know contentment can live in paradise and still complain” – Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha) 

Our Gregorian Life

“Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. It’s thin current slides away, but eternity remains.” – Henry David Thoreau 

We are slaves to the Gregorian calendar; introduced in 1582 by Pope Gregory XIII. Perhaps since 1582, we have gone to work, celebrated birthdays, taken our holidays, lived by the seven day week, and started the New Year every January 1st. We know the length of every month, what comes after Monday, and we have a leap year when it tells us. It segments time and as it marches on it follows the same pattern-2024, 2025, January, February, March, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and on and on. Every minute of every day is counted as if it is a balance sheet or profit and loss statement. Our cell phones, email, social media,and electronic gadgetry adorn our bodies and souls like chains, binding us to our calendar lives. The latest and greatest technology only serves to throw us deeper into the Gregorian abyss. Slowly but surely, we lose our connection to the rhythms of nature.

“Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Instead of counting 12 months, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes, or 31,536,000 seconds, we should pay more attention to nature’s calendar-the cycle of birth, growth, decline, and then rebirth. These cycles continue on, as they have for eons, oblivious to the Gregorian calendar. The plants know when to emerge in spring, the trees to bud, the birds to nest, the mammals to den up, the flowers to bloom, the leaves to fall, the wind to blow, the snow to fall, and the rain to come and go.

We march through life in a parallel system, one defined by man and the other by nature. More often than not, we want nature to adhere to our concept of time. Try as we might, we will not be successful. Nature marches to the beat of its own drum. Perhaps we will never be able to live fully to nature’s time until we throw away the calendar. In the interim, the more we pay attention to “natural time” the better connected we will be to the earth. Perhaps the Native Americans figured this out long before our ancestors stepped foot on this ground.

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” – Lao Tzu

Time moves at a different pace when we use natural time. It compels us to slow down and become more observant of the subtle changes in our surroundings. I notice when the cardinals begin their annual mating call, when the ruby-throated hummingbirds arrive in spring, or when the dogwoods and redbuds bloom. Regardless of how successful I am at adhering to natural time, there is one moment in time when I will have no choice but to follow nature’s calendar…and the organizer of this meeting isn’t in the habit of sending out meeting notices. 

“Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

“There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.” – George Santayana

Imperfection (n): a fault or weakness, or incompleteness in a person, object, or system.

Imperfection is often my demon. I have struggled with it all my adult life. I want perfection in what I do, to settle for less is to surrender. Light switches need to be aligned perfectly, rug tassels just right (I got rid of rugs with tassels), the floors must be spotless, no weeds in the garden, plants growing perfectly, perfect order, perfect process, no stains on my shirt, and no break from routine, no mistakes…period. Sadly, it can and does lead to my anxiety. How can I learn to embrace imperfection?

My Mom lived with the mantra, “A place for everything and everything in its place.” My disdain for imperfection comes in part from my German heritage.

There’s an old saying that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. If this is true, then it would posit that the longest distance between two points is a crooked line. If that is the case, I think I’ll take the crooked path-I’ll see a lot more that way.

Ease up on the throttle and apply the breaks to the speed of life. There is more to it than careening down the road hell bent on reaching your next destination faster than the next person. Stop your race car, get out, plant your feet firmly on the ground, breathe deep, smell the fresh air, taste the wind, hold a leaf in the palm of your hand, listen to the bird’s sing, and watch the clouds float by. Let all the others in a rush pass on by. Your destination will still be there tomorrow but the moment will not.

“What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?” – Ursula Le Guin

Sometimes, I feel like I have failed at this thing called life. Two failed marriages under my belt. It often feels like I have never been really good at anything. Oh, I have had my successes but it is often difficult to look back and say I was really good at this or that. Perhaps I am a perfectly flawed human being and my imperfection is what I have been good at?

Be a youthful adventurer; a conqueror of mystical kingdoms. Tilt at windmills and slay those dragons of adulthood; recapture the childlike wonder that adulthood abandoned. Open your heart and mind up to being a child again. Oh, the things you will discover when you do. 

One of my favorite words is from the Yiddish, “luftmensch”, meaning an impractical person whose head is in the clouds, and detached from practical matters like earning a living. Shouldn’t we all have a little bit of luftmensch in us? A practical life can be a dull one.

Is there beauty in imperfection?

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” – Henry David Thoreau

My Granddaughter Eloise Michelle DeLap. She remains in the NICU at Riley Hospital in Indianapolis. I held her for an hour and a half before I had to give up for her bath. BTW, she has blue eyes. She is still on a feeding tube but is breathing on her own right now. I am a lucky man, as imperfect as I am.

“Nature will bear the closest inspection. She invites us to lay our eye level with her smallest leaf and take an insect view of her plain.” – Henry David Thoreau

Nature is more than grand vistas, vast seas, towering mountain ranges, and cascading waterfalls, although I love them all. It is also a solitary beech tree, a white-tailed deer bounding through the woods, spring wildflowers emerging after a winter of dormancy, a butterfly fluttering from flower to flower, an ant colony marching to and fro, a chickadee flitting about in the understory, and a small, ephemeral stream playing its soft spring music in the woods.

Before they became grand and majestic, the sweeping vistas, mountains, seas, and waterfalls started out as atoms and molecules. So one tiny thing, invisible to the human eye, combines with another and is able to do amazing things. 

So nature is made up of small things, not just the grand and majestic. Knowing an ant’s place and purpose in the web of life is no less important than understanding the tectonic forces that created the Rocky Mountains. Without the small, there would be no large.

“I believe a blade of grass is no less than the journey-work of the stars” – Walt Whitman