If I could step back in time and hand myself a letter as I left Columbus North High School in June of 1977, diploma in hand, I would share the following thoughts with my younger self…
Dear John,
My friend, we have traveled together for a long time, never letting each other get too far ahead. We have been fellow travelers through childhood, school, teenage angst, young adulthood, and now into middle age. Whether being a husband, father, son, brother, or friend, we have stuck together through it all. Sometimes it feels like we have been playing a game of tag all these years, for youth runs from old age hoping never to be caught and old age chases after youth always hoping to capture it. I owe you a lasting debt of gratitude that you have never really let me grow up. Left alone, I would have imprisoned myself in maturity, forever condemned to live a life of expectations; success measured by how many cars I have, how big my house is, my job title, where my kids go to college, and on and on. Keeping my inner child alive and well has given me a wonderful outlook as I have traveled through this life.
I have certainly received advice from many but it’s what I have done that matters most, not what anyone told me to do. Thoreau said (of those who would tell us how to live), “They have told me nothing, and probably cannot tell me anything to the purpose. Here is life, an experiment to a great extent untried by me; but it does not avail me that they have tried it.” It has been my footsteps, the realities of my life, and where it has taken me that matters most, not the words of the so-called experts for they are forever dispensing advice. The world is chock full of those with the latest get rich schemes, advice on how we can be better motivated to make a buck, or what we should do in order to lead the perfect life. If I had become addicted to all this advice, I would have spent more time indoors devouring the latest volume instead of being out exploring the wonders of our world. It is the latter activity that has provided me more guidance than all the books in the self-help section.
I have reached the point in my life where I feel that spiritual fulfillment is more important than material gain. As I began my career and got into the habit of wanting more and more, I too often found myself feeling more like a shell than a sentient being. After I got off that roller coaster and focused more on the spiritual aspects of my life, I have received rewards well beyond those things bought with money. My spiritual exploration has taken me from Judeo-Christian values to the rich traditions of the East, such as Buddhism and Taoism. I have kept an open mind to the full breadth of all spiritual traditions, from wherever they originate, for each contributes in its on way to a better understanding of my inner being. Rest assured that I won’t end my journey thinking I should have spent more time in the office.
The fearlessness of youth, that feeling of being immortal, abruptly gave way to the realities of age. It happened to me when I was 33 and underwent emergency surgery. I had marched through my younger years, daring whatever it was out there to come and get me, and it certainly did. I recovered and since then have tried to focus on my health and sanity for these are the best gifts that I can give myself.
I have stayed very close to my family for they are the roots that have allowed me to grow up with a firm anchor in this life’s soil. From it I have nurtured myself and my own family. Death is the great unknown, but leaving this earth in the forest that is family is much better than the tree that withers and dies standing in the field alone. I have never forgotten the humble seed from which I sprouted, always believing that in the end, the humble will be exalted.
My parents taught me that maintaining an open mind and being accepting and loving of those around me; whether family, friends, or strangers, was quite simply an expectation. Being a guide, a fellow wayfarer, and not a hindrance was my responsibility; humankind had enough struggles without the barriers I put in the way. My sojourn in this life has been much more enjoyable having embraced the human race, with all its warts and blemishes. Let me be clear that I am not perfect and I work hard each day to resist division and embrace inclusiveness. Being a true reflection of my parents is something I will always strive for.
There has always been a constant in my life, an anchor; something that keeps me grounded. For me it is nature and seeking out opportunities to immerse myself in it. Whether gardening in my backyard or taking long hikes in the woods, I have sought out nature throughout my life for its nurturing gifts. It has kept me moored to the present, given me great memories, new discoveries, healed the wounds of life, and forever fed my inner child. If I were to lose this connection, it would be to lose my life.
One day not so long ago, I was presented with the opportunity to reinvent myself; and when it arrived, I took hold and am riding that horse until I either break it or get thrown off. It woke me up from a Rip Van Winkle-esque existence and I was reminded that I truly possessed my future. It doesn’t belong to anyone but me. I relish this ride like no other and am excited to see where it takes me.
Seeking out moments of solitude has always been one of my life’s healthiest pursuits and being alone in the woods is among the most refreshing moments. Being alone teaches me a lot about myself and, having spent enough time with me, I have actually discovered that I really do like me. It is in solitude that I have confronted the demons of my life, wrestled them to the ground, and left them behind to face life with renewed energy. As Thoreau said, “I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I have never found the companion as companionable as solitude.”
As I look back on my life I know that things haven’t turn out like I planned. I don’t fret about it though, for I never had it all mapped out. My childhood dreams didn’t turn out exactly as I imagined and there have been parts of my life that have come crashing down. But it’s been okay, for change and adaptation are among the beauties of life. I have had grand experiences like the birth of my four children, having a loving wife, the joy of family, pursuing my passion, discovering myself, and feeling the gentle touch of my spirit in each one of my life’s experiences. I have learned to roll with the happy times, the bumps, and the bruises for I have had them all; it is what I have done with them that is important not the events themselves.
So, my friend this is not really advice rather it is a reflection on a life so far lived. I think you would agree that its been a great adventure so far. As we continue our travels through this life, will we stand firm with each other and take what comes? Will we be the tree in the forest that constantly reaches for the sun and is a haven to life? Will we dream as if we were just born and our life lies before us? Will we always pursue our dreams, our own path? Will we look at the world around us with a child’s fascination? I will close with these wonderful words from Walt Whitman’s, Song of the Open Road, for I somehow know we will always be side by side…
With Undying Love,
John